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Joke of the Day

"While vacationing in Turkey a second time, I couldn't keep the Arabicnames straight, but I saw many familiar fezzes."

"Her: Why's the couch smell like pee? [Flashback to me watching The Ring alone] Me: *points at son* I think someone had another ""accident."""

"Speaking of short term memory,"

"Sperm is the best glue Have you ever seen a human being falling apart?"

"Polceman: ""I'm afraid that I'm going to have to lock you up for the night."" Man: ""What's the charge?"" Polceman: ""Oh there's no charge. It's all part of the service."

"What do you call a pizza with just peppers on it? A pepperonly pizza!"

"Every so often, I try to fornicate a large word into conversation, even if I'm not sure what it means"

"The best way to prevent the next generation from stealing your lunch... Is to not show them where your lunch is. Because you forgot where you left your lunch."

"Protip: If a party guest says ""I don't dance"" what he's really telling you is ""make my drinks stronger please""."

"I would vote for Trump if I could because I've never seen a president get assassinated"