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Joke of the Day

"WHAT'S WITH THE MIXED SIGNALS DUDE? YOU TURN THE LIGHTS OFF & MOVE IN CLOSE BUT WHEN I KISS YOU YOURE LIKE WHOA IM JUST DOING YOUR EYE EXAM?"

"My therapist diagnosed me with oppositional defiant disorder but I told them they were wrong."

"E-Mail: Drive her wild in the bedroom. Me: Feh...I'll drive her wild in the kitchen *Re-arranges the dishwasher."

"Grandma complained that no one ever calls, so I put a ""How's My Driving?"" bumper sticker on her car...The phone pretty much rings off the hook now."

"Why should you never tell jokes on the ice? The ice might crack up! I use this at the beginning of conversations... it's a reall ice breaker."

"One venti cheeseburger please."

"How do you stop the dog trying to hump your leg? Suck his dick."

"Zoo... I went to the zoo and saw a loaf in a cage. A sign read: ""Bread in captivity."""

"What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down."

"If you're having reception problems with your phone... Just shove an antenna up a girl's ass, then yell at her face. Then you will officially have a receptionIST!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"