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Joke of the Day

"Order of the Phoenix is my favourite Harry Potter book Dead serious."

"My heart goes out to the teenage girls in California who, due to the drought, can no longer take ""unusually long"" baths like we did"

"What manner of evil contract with the devil must I enter into so I can get eye drops INTO my eyes?"

"Knock! Knock....."

"[God creating spiders] What if I made a tiny land octopus that could walk on walls?"

"Some people think that the way to a Mans Heart is through his Stomach... ...I think they're aiming a little high."

"I just thought up a really nerdy joke... How can you tell if a person works in HR or IT? Ask them to pronounce the following: **HIRES**"

"Typical day Just saw Denzel Washington on the street and said ""Hey Denzel! Can I get a picture with you?"" And he's all like ""I'm not Denzel you racist piece of shit."" Classic Denzel."

"A bomb went off in an ink factory... Everyone Dyed."

"First take an ass and put another ass behind it. Then I come. Then the whole nation comes after me.... That is how you spell assassination"