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Joke of the Day

"are those your eyebrows, or did you headbutt a box of Sharpies"

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"""Oooo, a window. Let's see if I can fly through it."" - Dumbass birds"
"What's the only thing a feminist is going to change? The Laundry"
"Knock Knock Who's there ! Bolzano ! Bolzano who ? Bolzano the door !"
"Yo mama is so fat...that she makes Godzilla look like an action figure"
"The Joys of Hitch-hiking by Marsha Long"
"How many Dragon Ball Z characters does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, but it is going to about 7 episodes."
"The worst thing about life is getting comfortable and then realizing that you don't have the remote."
"[during a huddle in a crucial ice hockey match] ME: Ok listen up guys [all the other players look at me] ME: Is....is anyone else cold?"
"Octopus! how many tickles does it take to make a octopus laugh? ten tickles!!"