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Joke of the Day

"TIFU by accidentally playing music off of my neighbors speakers. Whoops, wrong sub."

"Good news! Doctor: I have a really good news for you Mrs Johnson Woman: Well, my name is Ms Johnson Doctor: In that case, I have a really bad news for you Ms Johnson!"

"What do you call a crazy train A loco-motive"

"I went to look at tents today. But I didn't buy one. There was nothing before them, there was no pre-tents."

"My friend said to me, ""I'm going to dress up as an island near the bottom of Italy"" I said ""Don't be so silly."""

"Did you know that 50% of asian businessmen have cataracts? The other half have BMW's."

"The real magic of Christmas is how quickly money vanishes from my wallet."

"Just because I don't talk to you, or text you first, doesn't mean I don't miss you. I'm just waiting for you to miss me."

"Makeup can make you look pretty on the outside, but it won't help if you're ugly on the inside. Unless you eat the makeup..."

"What do you call a WWII battle that finished it's senior year at communism school? Leningrad"