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Joke of the Day

"*secret agent slaps me* I'll never give you answers *he grabs my throat* ""WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA"" *spits* I'd rather die"

"Name please ""Yo-Yo Ma"" Your full name [quietly] ""Yoghurt-Yoghurt Marmalade"""

"There is no ""I"" in the word ""team,"" but I don't think that means anything about team work. That's just how it's spelled."

"What do a gynecologist and a pizza boy have in common? They both can smell it, but they can't eat it"

"popsicle stick joke. Whats the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?"

"So what if I can't spell ""Armageddon"" I mean, it's not the end of the world."

"[Picking up girls] Me: you like bad boys, huh? Girls: yea Me to my wing man: tell them Wing man: he's just literally the worst"

"Pro-life or Pro-choice? I'm really unsure how to feel about planned parenthood and abortion. I mean, on one hand I'm all for killing babies but on the other I don't like giving women a choice. Damn..."

"Finally Friday! Felt like it took a week to get here!!"

"Why does the Pope kiss the ground when he gets off his plane? You would too if you had to fly Alitalia."