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Joke of the Day

"I got 99 problems, and I wish a bitch was one, because then that means I interacted with a girl and can brag about it to my stuffed animals."

"What's Hitler's favorite video game? Mein Kraft."

"A governor is being inaugurated and there are snipers on buildings and based on my work in video games I'm offended I wasn't asked to help."

"I'm developing a new dandruff shampoo designed specifically for pubic hair. I'm going to call it Knees and Toes."

"What does a ghost cow say? *wave arms around* MoooooOOOOOOoooooooo"

"My girlfriend and I watched the Star Wars movies back to back last night; I'm so glad I was the one facing the TV. (Huehuehue ... but seriously, she would just be on her damn phone haha)"

"What is Cab Calloway's favorite type of humor? 'scat'alogical"

"How do you take a selfie with a goat?"

"911,What's your emergency? Me: I think it's a heart attack 911: Can you call back when you're sure, we're watching Walking Dead"

"Why is everything lying on the floor? my mom asked Gravity, I replied."