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Joke of the Day

"What are goosebumps used for? To keep geese from speeding!"

"Hyperbole makes me want to kill myself."

"One problem I had with Catholicism as a child was... all the sexy priests."

"At every party there are two kinds of people: those who want to go home and those who don't. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other."

"How many Russians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. One to screw it in, and one to shoot him if he does it wrong."

"How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a lightbulb? To get to the other side"

"I started seeing a therapist about my fear of bridges. Turns out I have severe truss issues."

"Doctor Care to his patients. Doctor: ""I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."" Patient: ""What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"" Doctor: ""Nine."""

"I always let the other person have the last word. I just ignore them mid-conversation."

"I found a very lucrative deal on the firearms section on Craigslist. A French MAS36 rifle. Never fired, dropped once."