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Joke of the Day

"I have the best blanket in the world It's the sheet."

"Why are woman so happy in wedding photos? They know they've given their last blowjob."

"Hate when I'm being chased by a shark and I make it to land, only to find out he's tied to the back of a tiger."

"What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? It only takes 1 nail to hang up the picture."

"*accidentally grabs a fork from the silverware drawer instead of a spoon but I'm too lazy to go back so it takes me 47 min. to eat my soup*"

"If you pull a lizard's tail off, it will grow back. If you pull it off again, the lizard will be like ""dude."""

"My girlfriend's dad accused me of being a pedophile just because she's 18 and I'm 32. It really ruined our 10th anniversary."

"What do you call a dog with no legs? It does not matter the dog is not coming"

"I need this plant to grow. Well, water you waiting for?"

"Why do people shoot up schools? Because it increases the average IQ of the world. It's a public service."