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Joke of the Day

"How did Samwell Tarly survive against white walkers? survival of the fattest"

"What noise did the dumbbells make when they were dropped? ... Dong-Ding."

"Why do seagulls fly over the sea? because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels."

"It's better to let someone think you are an Idiot than to open your mouth and prove it."

"""open up, this is the police!"" ""well, I've felt alone since my girlfriend left me, I'm sad all the time-"" ""no the door open up the door"""

"*calls mom* ""Ma I made 3 friends on twitter today"" *long pause* ""Mom?"" *mom stares at 3 fake twitter accounts she made, fights tears* ""Mom?"""

"[Watching 101 Dalmatians with a cute girl] Hold up, hold up. Pause it, please. Thanks. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine,"

"""What happened?"" The bullets asked their sad bullet friend... ""I got fired."" He replied."

"I'll grow my beard out just so I can knock on a strangers door & whisper, ""I'm here to pick your kid up for prom. Either one. I don't care."""

"SNL contacted me about being a writer, and I was like ""Pfft. I got my own gig"" and they were like ""BEEP BEEP BEEP"" because my alarm went off"