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Joke of the Day

"Why do seagulls fly over the sea? because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels."

"I don't understand why the Lions and Vikings get to play on thanksgiving. Shouldn't the Patriots play the Redskins, and then steal their stadium?"

"i won 100 dollars worth of chips at the casino, all i had to do was throw a brick through the vending machine glass"

"Now that my kids are getting older, I'm worried I'll never have the opportunity to leave my wife for the nanny."

"I used to want to be a banker. But then I lost interest"

"A skelington walks into a bar orders a beer and a mop"

"A girl tells her Irish mom she wants to be a prostitute. 'A WHAT?' The mother shouts. 'A prostitute' replies the girl. 'OH thank god!! I thought you wanted to become Protestant!"

"I was being recruited for suicide bombing... I asked the recruiter, ""what are the perks of being a suicide bomber?"" And he replied, ""well, for starters, you get to go all over the place!"""

"America, Britain isn't the ex who pretends it was mutual We're the ex who say 'Phew, missed a bullet there'"

"Almost a billion dollars have been spent on campaign ads so far. It's a good thing our schools & economy are in great shape or I'd be pissed"