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Joke of the Day

"My dog has figured out I'm Chinese. He totally tried to make a run for it. Silly dog, I'm not going to eat you until I train a replacement."

"Mumbling along to a song you don't really know...but that 15 second part you do know is coming up and you're gonna own that shit."

"Hi I'm Dan, welcome to identity theft club *from back of room ""me too"" ""me too!"" ""uhhh, yeah me too"" Ok, we're off to a great start guys"

"Dumb number jokes: What did the 0 say to the 8? Nice belt."

"To the man in the wheelchair at Walmart. You may have stole my camouflage jacket. But just remember, you can hide but you cannot run!"

"Lady Gaga: ""People should look nice all the time."" ""Nice"" = ""If an alien did meth and had a baby with a satellite dish."""

"What do you call a person with memory problems telling a joke? To get to the other side."

"Why is Oedipus against swearing? He kisses his mother with that mouth!"

"What do mexicans call their erect penises? Beaners"

"Are designated drivers only for people who drink?? Coz I've already dropped my keys twice just walking to my car."