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Joke of the Day

"""When I was younger they all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian,"" said Dane Cook. ""Nobody's laughing now!"""

"How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 17, 1 to hold the lightbulb, 1 to hold the ladder and the other 15 to drink whiskey until the roof spins"

"What do you call a Mexican that had his car stolen? Carloss"

"What's Jared Fogle's favorite weather? El nino."

"I bought my friend an elephant for his living room. Friend: thank you. Me: Don't mention it. *Edit: formatting.*"

"People who bend down to pick up a thread instead of running over it with the vacuum 37 times, what's it like to exercise?"

"Freedom Knock Knock Joke ""Knock knock"" ""who's there"" ""freedom"" ""freedom who?"" ""Just kidding, freedom doesn't knock freedom rings"""

"When the checkout person tries to put your toilet paper in a bag, tell them it's 'for here', not 'to go'. Then ask them to hurry."

"Why was the medicine man for bald eagles arrested? He was selling ill-eagle drugs."

"How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. She holds it up to the socket and waits for the world to revolve around her."