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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a metalhead with a cold? Flemmy"

"[OC] What did the disgruntled barber give to the prince? A bad heir day."

"Two Snowmen are in a field... ...and one turns to the other and says ""Yeah, you're right, it DOES smell like carrots."" My favorite joke - short, hysterical, and perfect for any occasion."

"Me and UFOS have something in common! Neither of us look good on camera."

"Why did Harry Potter's friends pick him up and pass him around on his birthday? They were playing pass the Parseltongue."

"Vanish- The World's Number 1 Stain Remover' Is there a number 2 stain remover? My boxer shorts are absolutely fucked."

"[court] LAWYER: Did u kill him? ME: No L: You know what the punishment is for committing perjury? ME [lips on the mic] Much less than murder"

"I once had to draw Mohammed in pictionary Turns out he was also a known boxer and game night at the mosque was ruined (Not happy with the latter part of this ""joke"". Feel free to make suggestions)"

"If You're Having Vocal Problems... ...I feel bad for you, son. I've got 99 problems, but my pitch ain't one. I apologize in advance."

"I was so bored last night I decided to make a belt out of all my watches It was a complete waist of time"