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Joke of the Day

"Oh no, my overly-festive neighbours are at the door.. *ding dong* ""Mary, Leon.. hi!"""

"Barking dog at the back door wanting in and your wife's yelling at the front wanting in. Which one do you let in? The dog, once he's in, he shuts up!"

"WHEN CATS ARE SAD Bartender: What'll ya have? Cat: Shot of rum. [Bartender pours it] [Cat slowly pushes it off the bar] Cat: Another."

"What's Irish and never comes inside? Patty O'Furniture."

"What is Hillary Clinton's favorite type of shoes? Scandals"

"Oh please! Merkel: ""Alexis, I don't think you Greeks understand the seriousness of your debt situation..."" Tsipras: ""Oh please....you really should give us a bit more credit."""

"What did the blonde's mom say before the blonde's date? If you are not in bed by 12, come home."

"What do Bud Light and having sex in a canoe have in common? They're both fucking close to water."

"How do Germans tie their shoelaces? In little knotsies...."

"What's the difference between an epileptic corn farmer and a prostitute with Diarrhea? The farmer has the fits while he shucks."