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Joke of the Day

"Here is a joke I just read Question: How many vegans does it take to screw in a light bulb? Answer: I'm better than you."

"The question isn't at what age I want to retire, it's at what income."

"Someone once told me my best features were my smile and personality If I don't have a mouth I'm fucked"

"My eyesight improves if I strap an address book to my face. I wear contacts."

"What do they say about the noise at the Burger Land Super Bowl? It's PAN-demonium!"

"I failed to stop a suicidal Catholic guy from blowing himself up. ""Abort, abort abort"", I shouted."

"Why did the Libertarian cross the road? Fuck you, none of your business. Am I being detained?"

"Have you ever walked into a room and forgot what you went in for? I done it the other day, I walked in and completely forgot why - my mind went blank. 3 seconds later I shat myself."

"Two snowmen are standing in a field. One leans over to the other and asks ""you smell carrots?"""

"Trying not to take my dog's sighing personally."