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Joke of the Day

"Mid-'90s joke I just made up: Steven Tyler made a new version of Dude Looks Like A Lady... it goes ""Dude looks like his daughter!"""

"I saw a blind man walking down the street one morning... I saw a blind man walking down the street one morning and as he passes by a fish market, he shouts ""Good morning ladies!!!"""

"My mind: ""Today was a productive day."" My body: ""Please don't drink 11 cups of coffee again.""..."

"I like to keep my collar popped. I ain't no collar back girl."

"I wish I had the confidence in humanity that Guinness had when they bought a 9,000 year lease."

"I used to date a dysexic woman... ... I took her home and she ended up cooking my sock."

"What do your mother and a marathon have in common? They are both doable as long as you don't mind following a bunch of black guys."

"When I was little, my uncle gave me a warning about anal sex... He said, ""this is going to hurt a bit."""

"What did the Mexican say to his dirty friend? Hey Messe"

"Lambs: ""BAAAAAAAAA!!!"" Hannibal Lecter: ""Shhhhhh!"" Lambs: ""Baaaa!"" Hannibal Lecter: ""Shhhh..."" Lambs: ""..."" Hannibal Lecter: ""Much better."""