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Joke of the Day

"How do you piss off winnie the pooh? Stick 2 fingers in his honey."

"*sees couple making out* Come on, get a room. Get a house with a bunch of rooms. Start a family, I think you'd have beautiful children."

"*takes a picture of food for Instagram* Food: delete it"

"There's no such thing as premature ejaculation, the truth is that women arrive late everywhere!"

"What's worse than finding your dad murdered? The cop at the crime scene saying ""I'm so sorry son"""

"Grandmother: ""So what is Skype?"" *Explains in great detail on how it works* ""So do I need a computer for it?"" ""I JUST...how's your cat?"""

"Why do lawyers have so much anal sex? Because they are fucking assholes."

"Did you hear about gay Santa? He stuck a match in a frogs ass and then shaved the skin off of the frog. Looking at it upside down he said ""now who wants some popcorn?"""

"*LIGHTHOUSE* BATMAN - You call? L/HOUSE KEEPER - Shit, not again man. I am so sorry. BATMAN - Dead seagull on the light? LK -*Nods*"

"What are the chances you know an Olympic gymnast?? A stretch"