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Joke of the Day

"First man discovered fire. Then he invented the wheel. Then there was, like, 500 years where he just kept setting the wheel on fire."

"*Knocks on door* Hey open up. You didn't reply to my last 43 texts & then you tweeted about a guy who keeps annoying you. You need help?"

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Bush ! Bush who ? Bush your money where your mouth is !"

"Doc, I can't stop singing... ""Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'."" He said: ""That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."" ""Is it common?"" I asked. He replied, ""It's not unusual."""

"What's the worst thing about 1 ply toilet paper? It's already shitty before you use it."

"How did the hillbilly find his sister in the woods? Pretty Hot."

"I didn't know you could get paid for donating sperm. When I think of all the money I've let slip through my fingers..."

"A giraffe walks into a bar... ...and says, ""Ok boys, high balls are on me."""

"Can't believe i actually met a guy named Dick Putinson"

"The 7 days of my week.....Monday, Monday, Monday, Monday, Friday, Saturday and preMonday"