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Joke of the Day

"First man discovered fire. Then he invented the wheel. Then there was, like, 500 years where he just kept setting the wheel on fire."

"A good way to keep a secret from me is to leave it on my voicemail"

"I went to the the local library for a book, I asked the lady for a book on Psycho the Rapist, she said, i think its pronounced Psychotherapist."

"People who say they don't have any problems are lying to you, but at least give them credit for not telling you about them."

"Islam is a peaceful religion A piece over there, a piece over there, a piece over here"

"Nice try, PG-13 comedies."

"Two bacteria walk into a bar... The bartender says, ""We don't serve bacteria here."" And the bacteria says, ""But we work here. We're staph."""

"What's the difference between a Porsche and a Skoda? Paul Walker wouldn't be seen dead in a Skoda."

"Muffins. So there are two muffins in an oven. One says to the other, ""Is it getting hot in here, or is it just me?"" And the second one says, ""Holy shit, a talking muffin!"""

"My friend Mark called me pretentious so I slapped him with my silk handkerchief."