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Joke of the Day

"I tricked my construction coworker at lunch by putting chunks of concrete in his sandwich. He shit a brick after he found out."

"I need 6 to 8 vegans... ...to mow my lawn. Plenty of food here, just bring your own drinks please."

"If I were a kidnapper, I'd drive around telling adults there's naps in the van."

"Holmes: ""I say, old bean, is that mud on your boots?"" Watson: ""No, shit, Sherlock"""

"Dr: Have you been getting enough exercise? Me: Does sex count as exercise? Dr: Yes. Me: No."

"""Hey, Cyclops."" ""Hey, Cyclops, are you still dating Jean?"" ""No, Storm, we broke up. You could say she's my..."" *lowers sunglasses* *eye beams obliterate Storm*"

"Judge: Guilty Me: Sayyoudidwhat. Judge: What did you say? Me: Judge? Did you just reverse my sentence? *Stage dives into cheering jury*"

"What do you call a slutty horse? A Whorse"

"Clowns terrorizing the streets. A real life billionaire villain running for president. We need Batman now more than ever"