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Joke of the Day

"If I were a kidnapper, I'd drive around telling adults there's naps in the van."

"I'm gonna stand outside a strangers house tonight with a lit candle & tell them it's in remembrance of all the people I killed there."

"Which part of a birch tree makes it better with autonomic functions than others? Their betula oblongata"

"Why was the gunman on a diet? Because he was still at large."

"Feeling strange Mr. Bond? It's because I laced your Martini with a vaccine for Measles You now have Autism!"

"Needed one cotton ball. Two were left. Took both so one wouldn't feel lonely. I also have strong feelings about the last two pudding cups."

"Calm down shouty museum man. I think it's pretty obvious that I know how to ride a dinosaur skeleton."

"What did Satan name his new bar? The BeelzebPub"

"A joke for the cerebral...What do you call it when a bunch of crows agree to meet later? Premeditated murder."

"The term 'Grammar Nazi' is outdated and offensive... ...we prefer to be called the Alt-Write"