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Joke of the Day

"Excuse me, miss. I'm sure you hear this everyday but... ... do you know where the nearest McDonald's is?"

"RT this if you like to repeat what other people say"

"Chuck Norris doesn't get hangovers. He just gets pissed."

"How do you know if you sisters on her period? Your dad's dick tastes like blood."

"I wish I was your math homework Then I'd be hard and you'd do me on the desk."

"In the house of mathematics, where are the tautologies found? They're kept in the Axiom Attic."

"Was the summer of '69... Sounds like a great summer Bryan, what year was it?"

"Look, mom, we can keep arguing about whether or not 28 is too old to live your parents but it's not gonna help us find my iguana any faster."

"- What's your cell phone? - iPhone. - No, I meant the number. - It's a 6. - No, to contact you. - I don't use it for that."

"I painted my computer black so it would run faster. But it was shot before it could start running."