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Joke of the Day

"There was a blackout in my neighbourhood last night....... The police told us to stay inside until they caught him."

"How to flirt: 1. Giggle 2. Apply lip gloss 3. Look down coyly 4. Realize you applied concealer 5. Fall off barstool"

"I was going to make an anal joke... Butt fuck it."

"I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream. This kid working at Baskin Robbins is pretty scared. Now he's crying in the corner."

"I told the wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised."

"What's the difference between a hippy and a hockey player? The hockey player takes a shower after three periods."

"I hate it when you buy a packet of M&Ms And it's full of W's."

"What game did the dentist play when she was a child?...Caps and robbers"

"The doctor told me to lose some weight. I said, ""How?"" He said ""Don't eat anything fatty."" I said, ""You mean pies, chips, that sort of thing?"" He said, ""No, just don't eat anything, fatty."""

"What did the hungry whale do? He bit the tail off a submarine and sucked out all the seamen."