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Joke of the Day

"What has two heads and six legs? Nirvana"

"What do you call the shiniest people? Polish"

"I honestly didn't think it would be this difficult to resist sexting Oprah during my morning commute."

"[parole hearing] ""What will u do if released?"" ""Kill everyone on the jury."" ""What?"" ""Buy everyone jewellery."" ""Aw. Granted."""

"I went to the zoo today but when I arrived, there was only a dog there It was a shitzu"

"Came home to find my refrigerator full of water It was full of leeks."

"I told my friend I was gay, then he turned his back on me. That was his first mistake."

"A buddhist monk is watching TV Another monks come in and says, ""What are you watching?"" The monk replies, ""Nothing."""

"What do you call a cowshed in Arabic? A Mubarak"

"My friend asked me if I was ever going to stop singing Wonderwall... I said maybe."