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Joke of the Day
"If you've ever written a Yelp review of a Starbucks, I can help you kill yourself if you like?"
Next Joke
"I keep thinking I'd like for my girlfriend and I to have a threesome But then I think ""I have enough trouble pleasing one woman, let alone some dude too."""
"How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest? They Take The Psycho Path"
"Monocles Why should you never go out drinking if you wear a monocle? Because then you'd be a barnacle."
"WIFE: Shouldn't you be at work? ME: I took care of it. BOSS: [to the cardboard cutout of Shaq with my face glued on it] Nice work today."
"two year old comes up to me asking if I've seen a dummy, unaware that she's just set herself up for the most brutal slam of her little life."
"What is that red stuff on your face? I said to my older cousin what was that red stuff on his face. ""Where?"" He said. I said , as I was forming a punch then punch is fucking face. ""Right there."""
"Women on their period always ovary act. *insert pun here*"
"Do not reach for the stars. They are hot gas, and will give you bad burns."
"How do you give an ice cube an identity crisis? Drop it like its hot."