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Joke of the Day

"""If you're flying with 3 kids, pick the 1 with the highest earning potential & then work your way down with oxygen masks."" -Flight attendant"

"Why is Robert Pattison so pale? There's no sunlight in the closet."

"Why men shop at Costco? Because it's a hoe sale."

"what do a roadway, for coworkers in the same car, that goes underwater and discomfort in the wrist from excessive computer use have in common? carpool tunnel"

"If you reply with ""sky"" each time I ask what's up, I shall assume you're homeless."

"After a dinner party ...while taking plates to the kitchen my guest asked if the dishwasher was dirty. I said no, I believe she showered before dinner."

"What did Davy Crockett say when he showed up to the Alamo? ""What are all these landscapers doing here?"""

"Last week a 13-year-old girl became the youngest female to climb Mount Everest. She didn't mean to. She was just texting her friend and the next thing she knew she was on top of Mount Everest."

"Everybody says Australians are rednecks learn already... **...it's actually from latin word Australis which means Southern...** *Oops*"

"Me: *doing magic trick* Is THIS your card? Guy: They're all my cards, give me my wallet back."