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Joke of the Day
"Tried to find a joke about impared ejaculation But it just won't cum"
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"[overhears guy saying economy is bad] [later, at family dinner] no trust me, the last thing you want is an economy. those things are so bad"
"My blood type is also my life motto: B Positive"
"What did the late arriving cannibal receive at the dinner party? The cold shoulder."
"When someone is absolutely positively sure they're right about something is when I'm absolutely positve they're completely full of shit."
"What has a beginning and an end, but nothing in the middle? Life"
"I don't trust insomniac philosophers... They're up to know good."
"Yesterday, Bill Clinton endorsed Newt Gingrich's immigration policy Today he's endorsing Herman Cain's domestic policy."
"I would like an Instagram feed of the piles of shit people push out of the way to get the perfect shots in their homes."
"With the holidays upon us, please dont forget what they stand for. Family, friends & punching strangers at the mall because they cut in line"