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Joke of the Day

"If God is a woman, then why aren't we sandwiches?"

"Who sleeps at the bottom of the sea ? Jack the kipper !"

"Did you know there is a species of antelope capable of jumping higher than the average house? This is due to its powerful hind legs and the fact that the average house cannot jump."

"Did you hear about Joseph Stalin's personal yacht? They say it was a huge dictator-ship."

"GF texted me that her ex wants to get her back. So I texted, ""I care for you. Don't do this"". I'm still working on what to reply to my GF."

"I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner All it was doing was gathering dust."

"Ex's are like college Sometimes you wanna go back, then you remember that they would have killed you if you had stayed much longer"

"Two zombies, Greg and John, are sitting in the cemetery. Greg says: ""Didn`t Peter also want to come?"" John answers: ""Yes, but he is late."""

"Me: And then, for absolutely no reason, they changed the stars to hearts! We were all so mad Syrian Refugee: omg please send me back"

"MOM: always open the door for a lady [later on date] ME: Let me get that for you [reaching under stall door for lock] please stop screaming"