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Joke of the Day
"I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner All it was doing was gathering dust."
Next Joke
"Whoa! I just looked it up and all teachers below 5th grade are actually required by federal law to use Comic Sans."
"Did you hear about the agnostic insomniac who has dyslexia? He lays awake all night wondering if there really is a dog."
"What kind of trees watch kids in Mexico? Baby cedar"
"I have a great vocabulary, just ask my um female dad"
"Man at the bar... ""...Are you Jamaican? Because Jamaican me crazy! Woman responds: ""No, I'm Finnish. Finnished with this conversation!"""""
"A tombstone that has a scrolling LED marquee of your greatest tweets."
"Just banged my toe on a table & kept moaning in pain so much that I made a new Coldplay song."
"[house hunting] Loved that one. Great price & the owner seemed trustworthy HER: It was next to a sewage plant & he had three eyepatches on"
"Can't wait to get old so I can shower sitting down."