50081

Joke of the Day

"Ex's are like college Sometimes you wanna go back, then you remember that they would have killed you if you had stayed much longer"

"Eating McDonald's because you're hungry is exactly like sucking dick because you're lonely That meat is no good for you and I do it about once a month"

"I just gave a woman $700 to put her screaming baby in the overhead compartment on this plane."

"How do you hit on a Jewish girl? Tell her that she israeli hot!"

"The buildup of carbon emissions in the atmosphere is a great icebreaker."

"Whenever I try to steal from people I get stabbed by an old plastic fork or a stick. The homeless are resourceful, man."

"It's funny how if you are a minority and commit a mass murder, you are either a terrorist, thug, or an illegal, but if you are white, then you have a mental disorder and misunderstood!"

"I'm going to stop eating beef from Colorado The steaks are too high"

"A one-liner based on what happened to me at work. An insect landed in my beverage, now I'm feeling a bit fly-tea."

"Sometimes when i don't want my wife to find something I Put it in her purse"