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Joke of the Day

"Just realized why my Grandpa called his sideburns thigh ticklers Excuse me guys while I go walk in front of a bus"

"I've learned a lot about kids while working at Menard's. Namely don't bring you fucking kid to Menard's."

"I have the heart of a lion. And a lifetime ban from the Baltimore Zoo."

"What is the best place to hide a corpse? On the second page of Google"

"Try not to remember that your brain is the pilot of a meat robot that can't do twenty pushups without dying."

"Even today this is still the best one I know Obama got elected twice."

"They say there's such a thing as safety in numbers... Tell that to six million Jews."

"Apple have talked about their most recent iPhone recently, The sales team seems to think it was a huge 6s"

"What is Batman's least favorite Sex Act? The Pearl Necklace."

"God: ""Adam looks kind of lonely down there. What should I do?"" Frog: ""ribbit"" God: ""haha, alright man"""