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Joke of the Day

"Credit cards are VERY dangerous. Every time I try to use one somebody starts chasing me with scissors."

"What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a Disney movie? Disney movies can still touch little kids."

"What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer? One's a slimy scum-sucking bottom-dwelling scavenger; the other is a fish."

"I always wanted to be a seamstress... But I could never mend-straight."

"As a teen I assumed the best thing about being an adult would be going to bed as late as I wanted. Little did I realise it's the opposite."

"Have you seen the new Barbie Doctor doll? You wind her up, and she operates on batteries."

"My cat complains when I drive him to the vet, but we always end up stopping behind Red Lobster ""just for a second"" whenever he drives."

"Coffee so black, you won't ever go back to sleep."

"I googled 'missing medieval servant boy' 404 Paige not found"

"My cardboard girlfriend fell apart when I came all over her. I don't think she was cut out for that kind of thing."