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Joke of the Day

"(1:35pm) God: Yo Abraham (1:37pm) Abe: sup (1:38pm) God: Need u to kill ur son (1:42pm) Abe: k (4:02pm) God: jk lol (4:10pm) God: u there?"

"I quit cold turkey. I just reheat it now."

"Why are redditors bad stand-up comedians? Because they'll just tell the crowd that the real joke's in the comments."

"When a woman tells me her lawn needs mowing, I get an entirely different picture in my head."

"Knock Knock Who's there? Alask. Alask who? Alaska later"

"The kids love this one! Why does Santa have such a Big Sack? Because he only comes once a year."

"Last night I dreamed of a color I had never seen before. It was a pigment of my imagination."

"Who is the Prime Minister of Israol? Netanyahoo"

"What happened to the loser of the Frisbee Championship Finals? He threw it."

"Remember, life isn't about accumulating stuff. It's about making people insanely jealous of your stuff."