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Joke of the Day

"So my wife said to me, ""I swear, it's like all men share one brain"" I wanted to think of a clever comeback, but it wasn't my turn to use the brain"

"When I was interviewed for a job in the chemistry department, they asked me if I had lab experience. I said I was more of a cat person."

"did you hear about the flaccid, chinese penis that ran for presidency? He didn't stand a chance in the erection."

"When I was a kid, my parents gave me a drum set for Christmas. They let me bang them as long as it wasn't after midnight. They always slept better after being banged."

"Nothing says I have faith in god like the six inches of bullet proof glass on the popes car."

"If you woke up and couldn't remember the night before and your ass hurt real bad would you tell anyone? Want to go camping?"

"""I'd hit that."" Clearly what my head thinks about cupboard doors and other hard surfaces when I least expect it."

"Life is like a box of chocolates If your fat it doesn't last very long."

"What was shaken and is now stirred? Haiti."

"Bloody Foreigner, coming over here, wanting to know what love is."