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Joke of the Day

"How did the hipster burn his tongue? He sipped his coffee before it was cool."

"What food is given to ebola patients? Pizza because it can be slipped under the door."

"Kraft Foods, Inc. has moved their headquarters to Tel Aviv They're changing their name to Cheeses of Nazareth."

"When I pay for my groceries and the cashier hands me the receipt I like to smile and say ""this will all be poop soon""."

"I slipped on some black ice yesterday... I thought it was regular ice until I realized my wallet was gone."

"Rio just listed a slightly used Olympic stadium on eBay."

"What's the difference between jelly and jam? Well I can't jelly my dick up your ass"

"If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, ""Did you mean Chuck Norris?"" It simply replies, ""Run while you still have the chance."""

"If a man hits a woman while driving his car, who's fault is it? Contrary to popular belief, it is the man's fault. There is no reason for him to drive in the kitchen."

"Does anyone have the number of a painter/decorator? I really need to get all my windows jammed so they never open again."