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Joke of the Day

"Riding a motorcycle is like having sex without a condom. It does feel great at the time, but if you make a mistake it's really really bad."

"Martin Shkreli's life was such a joke he was born on April 1st..."

"What's 7 inches long and hasn't been sucked in over 2 years? Whitney Houston's crack pipe."

"What did the ruthless businessman say to his employees? If at first you don't succeed - you're fired!"

"GURU: You have achieved the state of sakrdagamin: you will reach nirvana within seven lifetimes ME: [slipping him a $20] How about six"

"""What's the difference between a blow job and a sandwich?"" Me: ""What's the difference between a blow job and a sandwich?"" Her: ""I don't know"" Me: ""Want to come over to my house for lunch?"""

"A classic Tommy Cooper gag * I said to the gym teacher: 'Can you teach me to do the splits?' * He said: 'How flexible are you?' * I said: 'I can't make Tuesdays.'"""

"What is Santa's favorite band? Slayer."

"I'd like to give a shout out Shout out to all the people wondering what the opposite of in is."

"Why is the Statue of Liberty a woman? Because the head had to be empty in order to build a restaurant."