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Joke of the Day

"I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said ""Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?"" She said ""No I hate myself now."""

"What does a mermaid mathematicion wear? An Algae-bra."

"The distance this fish swam... Is a SCALER not a vector."

"I didn't know how to put this gently so I drew you a picture. That's you. Now, see the guy choking you? That's me."

"What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve? Christoper Walken"

"I keep a tiny vial of gluten in my pocket in case I ever need to smash it on the ground to make a getaway from a large group of hipsters"

"My 5 year plan is to get an amp for my bass. That fish sure does love his energy drinks"

"I tried to use my Dictaphone today. But I ended up just using my finger like everyone else."

"Two guys walk into a bar... Two guys walk into a bar. The third guy ducks. (Dad Joke)"

"Any shampoo can be volume control shampoo if you cram the bottle directly into your kids mouth"