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Joke of the Day

"I just patented a new device that allows you to pee while watching a movie... It's called the ""Catheater""."

"In Canada... ...you are more likely to be killed by a moose than a terror plot. Damn Mooselisms."

"My bird puns are so EGG-cellent - Do you wanna hear a bird pun? - No - Well... this is HAWK-ward - dammit"

"If storks deliver white babies and blackbirds deliver black babies, what bird delivers no babies? Swallows."

"What did the blind man say to the deaf man? Nothing. Because the blind man can't fucking see him and even if he said something, the deaf man wouldn't be able to fucking hear it."

"The human body is 70 percent water?? *looks at a glass of water* damn girl"

"Why doesn't Ed have a girlfriend? Because Sheeran"

"You know something bad's gonna happen in a Law & Order when the electric guitar kicks in"

"Our family motto is ""Who took my phone charger?"""

"A man calls in sick... A man calls in sick and his boss replies and asks ""how sick are you?"" Well, I am fucking my sister so pretty sick."