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Joke of the Day

"The lady walking ahead of me sped up so I did, she began running so I did, she screamed so I did. I never even saw what we were running from"

"You give me butterflies. I give them back. Please stop handing me insects, it's really weird."

"""911, what's your emerg-"" ""The women at work have synced their uteri and it's Hell"" ""Sir uteri is not plural for ute-"" ""TAMPI EVERYWHERE"""

"How do you make a dead baby float? Take your foot off of it."

"Great desert tip: Cut up some bananas, apples & oranges in a bowl with fresh squeezed lime juice. Toss it in the trash and eat a cheesecake."

"A new report indicates Brazilians no longer support the 2016 Olympics They're too busy raising the team for the 2036 Special Olympics."

"Seenus trouble Dad: Son, I have seenus trouble. Me: Seenus? Dont you mean sinus trouble, pops? Dad: No, son. Seenus, I was out with my girlfriend and your mom seenus."

"How do you make your girlfriend cry while you're having sex? Call and let her know."

"Wheelchair athletes have just been banned from the Paralympics They tested positive for WD40"

"My brother's on a seafood diet. Really? Yes the more he sees food the more he eats."