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Joke of the Day

"A grand jury is made up of a cross-section of the community. I ride the train w/the cross-section & it's mostly people peeing on the floor."

"How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? TEN TICKLES!!"

"""Police! Open up!"" ""No, you're gonna yell at me"""

"Your mother is like a brick Flat on both sides and laid by mexicans"

"The best part of waking up is when you say ""fuck it"" and go back to sleep."

"What does the sign say on an out-of-business brothel? Beat it, we're closed."

"Some people just want to watch the world burn. Other people just don't vote for Trump."

"I dropped two bucks yesterday... Third one got away."

"I hate when you offer someone a sincere complement on their mustache...and then she won't talk to you anymore."

"Take your husband's last name. Take his first name. Take his social. Assume his identity. Hide the body in a closet. You're the husband now."