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Joke of the Day

"If you're a vegan and an atheist and a runner, how do you choose which way to annoy people in a conversation first?"

"So many haunted ""mansions."" Sad how this country is killing the middle class ghost."

"Do NOT lower your standards to ""keep"" anyone. Make them meet you at YOUR level. Self respect is power."

"So Helen Keller walks into a bar... And then a table, and then a stool."

"My top 3 assumptions when doorbell rings: 1. Murderer 2. Police telling me everyone is dead 3. That book I ordered about positive thinking"

"What do you call a bunch of wealthy muslims? Ballah ballah ballah ballah ballah"

"A man walks into a bar. Embarrassed, he dusts himself off, then walks around it."

"whats black and doesn't work? decaf coffee, you racist bastard!"

"Note to the 82 year old widow who won the Powerball jackpot last night: Sup, girl?"

"Joke that will piss off any feminists how many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? None that's a man's job."