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Joke of the Day

"Wife: Put the dishes away I have other things to do. Me: ok *Me loading dishwasher with wife watching entire time to ensure I do it right*"

"Why did the headless chicken cross the road? Cause he was supposed to be-headed to the other side"

"Q:What did one plate say to the other plate? A:('Lunch is on me!')"

"Mum I found Dad Haven't I told you to stop making holes in the garden?"

"Why do you keep going back to that fishing website? I can't help it I'm hooked."

"My girlfriend thinks she has syphilis.. I keep telling her it's all in her head."

"Dad please dont mess my hair up and say love ya' in public, I'm in a gang now"

"How do you get down from an Elephant? You don't, you get down from a Goose."

"Why do girls wear makeup and perfume? 'cause they're ugly and they stink."

"Turns out the ""Mac"" guy from those ""Mac and PC"" commercials is an avid Windows supporter. What a Long con."