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Joke of the Day

"A priests asks the convicted murderer...... A priests asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, ""Do you have any last requests?"" ""Yes,"" replies the murderer. ""Can you please hold my hand?"""

"I'm starting to think the guy that gave me directions to the train station was just talking to someone on his Bluetooth."

"I'm not a pessimist. I'm a depressed realist."

"Avoid arguments about the toilet seat...use the sink..."

"Clark Kent: *sits glasses on counter* Lois Lane: Who are you and where did the new countertop come from?"

"My husband still waves to policemen like a 5 year old."

"what do you call a dog who sits on a bench and reads his newspaper? a human-dog xDDD"

"Why did the kitchen cross the road? Because there was a woman on the other side."

"What's the dating scene like at MIT? Carbon-14 is the most common method, I believe."

"Why do we.... Cook bacons and bake cookies?"