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Joke of the Day

"i don't think i'll ever get the recognition i deserve for being the world's biggest pessimistic narcissist"

"My 7 year old daughter drops this joke on me. What kind of bee's make milk? Boo-bee's"

"all pans are no-stick pans if you no-cook in them."

"What do going down on a girl and talking to the mafia have in common? One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit."

"Asking ""Why aren't you married yet"" is like asking ""Why haven't you jumped from a moving car yet?"" B/c it's painful and not required"

"I wonder what will be bigger The video games of the future or the average Tumblr user"

"They cut the hole in my Fallout disk to small. I can't fit my dick in it."

"Black Friday has taken all of my money : Robinson Crusoe"

"I'm in a Josef Fritzl tribute band... You probably haven't heard of us, we're pretty underground."

"BOSS: We need to improve morale ME: Okay BOSS: How about an office party? ME: [crosses out ""replace coworkers with puppies""] I guess"