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Joke of the Day

"My wife said that we need to have a talk after my 2 year old goes down for a nap so I filled her sippy cup with Red Bull."

"Why is Peter Pan always flying? He Neverlands. I love that joke, it never grows old."

"Dear future self, No, you weren't robbed. You left your house like this. Sincerely, You, you dumb slob."

"What will reddit never know? Victoria's Secret..."

"What is the best way to avoid having your flight bombed? Bring your own bomb! Cause what are the odds that there are **two** bombs on the same plane?"

"A Morning After pill but for over eating."

"Mom is flying into JFK during Friday rush hour. An 'anonymous tip' should allow me to pick her up at the TSA and avoid the terminals."

"Well, I wouldn't say the easiest. What's the easiest way to get gum out of your hair? * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Cancer"

"A motorist was pulled over by a traffic cop. ""Excuse me, sir,"" said the cop. ""Do you realize your wife fell out of the car two miles back?"" ""Thank God,"" he said. ""I thought I'd gone deaf!"""

"A friend will invite you for beers A good friend will pick up the tab A best friend will hold your hair All three will have blackmail pics"