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Joke of the Day

"[texting] ME: I like you, I think you're cute MY CRUSH: oh um ME: HAHAHA omg my dog was chewing on my phone lol how did he type that"

"The last time I got a piece of ass ... My finger broke through the toilet paper"

"Whats a mile long and has a thousand arms? The train to Auschwitz. Some German guy i used to play Path of Exile with told it to me."

"What do you call a brewer's first beer? A rough draft."

"2 sheep are standing in a meadow... One turns to the other and says ""Baaa-aaa-aaa-aaaa"". the other looks at him and says ""...I was just gonna say that."""

"Why did the teacher put the lights on? Because the class was so dim!"

"What does a priest get when he wants pussy? Nun."

"What is not allowed in the ring, but boxers do every night? Hit the sack."

"What's the best way to break in a new pair of shoes? Moonwalking"

"I'm never at a loss for words when I'm drunk. I just can't pronounce most of them and I make up three or four new one's."