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Joke of the Day
"They tried to make me go to rehab, and I said ""My HMO doesn't cover residential treatment."""
Next Joke
"I walk with a limp so people think I have a gun in my boot. And because I sprained my ankle running away from a moth."
"Day 1: Brad wears no pants Day 2: Brad wears no pants Day 3: Brad wears no pants ... ... This is just a bottomless Pitt"
"If I was a waiter & asked if the customer was done eating & they said no, I would say 'fat fuck'. Then draw a hippopotamus on their check."
"A corpse walks into a bar... And asks the bartender for a lemonade. ""Of course!"" says the bartender, ""I've never seen a stiff drink!"" Courtesy of the video game Fable 3."
"The french invented a new bulletproof vest That is just as efficient as a regular one but much cheaper: it only covers the soldiers' backs"
"Relationships are harder now because conversations become texting, arguments become phone calls, and feelings become status updates"
"What do you say to change the atmosphere at a dinner party? ""If were all here, who's looking after Madeline?"""
"Brie is my favorite cheese that sounds like a white girl you meet for a mani/pedi while drinking Chardonnay & quoting ""Mean Girls."""
"I got a job digging graves, I don't know how, I just fell into it."