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Joke of the Day

"""ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!!"" I scream to my dogs as they all watch me trip, run into the coffee table and spill my coffee all over myself."

"Dark humor is like food... not everybody gets it."

"Doctor: ""You have a hip injury."" Me: ""I am very trendy."""

"As a kid, I didn't want to get caught misbehaving by my parents. Now I'm a parent. And I don`t want to get caught by my kids."

"What monsters are all the tools in the toolbox afraid of? Vampliers"

"It remains a puzzle . . . It remains a puzzle why a bra is singular and panties are plural."

"Motherhood is like being a fireman putting out fires but everyone is shouting out how you're doing it wrong and criticizing your sweatpants."

"Today I had an allergic reaction to a peanut... **This title contains content from FINE BROTHERS ENTERTAINMENT who has it blocked on copyright grounds.**"

"Im at the swamp does anyone need anything"

"pizza has 5 letters if u double that u get 10 if u divide that by 2 u get 5 & if u do some more math u get 666 coincidence i think not"