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Joke of the Day

"*throws king crab into tank of normal crabs* Go, lead them to freedom, this is your birthright"

"My girlfriend left me today because I have developed a pasta touching fetish. I've been feeling Canneloni ever since. :'("

"So I posted an opposing view on r/The_Donald [removed]"

"Got a new roommate. She cleans my room, I clean hers. We are maid for each other."

"""You snooze, you lose."" -competitive insomniacs"

"I'll date any guy that can digest a seagull faster than me."

"Don't be stingy when it comes to getting a circumcision. I got one cheap and it was a total rip-off."

"How many cops does it take to push a black man down the stairs? None. He fell."

"Think of a good penis joke! Wait, I have a good one right on the tip of my tongue!"

"The script for the upcoming Tetris movie is terrible Each actor just says four lines and then disappears."