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Joke of the Day

"I heard there are only 140 characters allowed on Twitter, but that can't be true. I've been on there before - almost everyone is a character."

"Where do you see yourself in four years? I don't know, I don't have 2020 vision."

"What do you call a group of armpit farters? A pit orchestra. Bonus: [World Record for Armpit Farts in 15s](https://recordsetter.com/world-record/most-armpit-farts-15-seconds/9602)"

"What's the difference between a lobster with breast implants, and a dirty bus stop? One's a crusty bus station, and the other's a busty crustacean!"

"How does a one-legged Chinese man walk? He takes a great leap forward."

"What did the square say to the root? ""Radical"""

"I used to go fishing with Skrillex... but he kept dropping the bass :("

"after watching the Cricket for a few hours I think I finally understand it they make that noise by rubbing their wings together"

"You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose... But you can't pick your friend's nose"

"Me: *falls off a ladder* Wife: OH MY GOD! ARE YOU INJURED? Me: *obviously concussed but also bleeding* I'm injured and outjured"